Summary of previous installments. Copio-incollo from my forum. Nothing that Robazza introspective about my life:) Feel free to skip if you feel like to:)
I have not forgotten you. And 'that I've wanted a period of detachment. I could certainly tell, but I had to do the math and put together what they are, who they are, where I'm going. It is not easy to keep open a site like this, you strip, especially in your weaknesses, in grief, problems.
I've changed, my life has changed and is continuing to change daily.
I do a job for which, let's face it, I'm not crazy, but allowed me to be different ... the better. I do not think
Marta to be the same four months ago. They are more 'self-confident, more' positive, more 'serene ... and 19 kg less. Yes, nineteen. Not even believe it when I see it written.
The problems have not changed, to the food are not changed ... never will change.
I do not follow any diet, do not kill myself in the gym .. just do a dynamic job that allows me to stay active and often leaves me no time for lunch. But in the evening when I am faced with what my mom cooking for me, I often go up the anxiety, the demon who forces me to eat anything with before. I decided to fight, getting up from the table and going to take a shower before doing damage ... now is a must all evening: arrival, I greet my, eat, shower, bed. It seems more 'an escape a fight, but I am convinced that everyone who uses weapons. And as long as it works, fall back from the chair until I'm not bad, even breathed a sigh of relief, I decided it's okay ..
I look in the mirror in the morning, though, and I feel the same.
I frequently tempted to turn around the other side when I drive in my blue eyes. Despite everything, I struggle to love me. Even in spite of these four months have found a person, along my path, I keep telling myself I'm beautiful, and I repeat it till you drop, I stubbornly do not believe it. Sometimes I do not believe him even when I says he likes me and I'm good. How can a person to love me in , which are neither beautiful nor lean?
Yeah, I'm not thin ... but when I can never call me skinny? I wonder often .. Will I ever have a limit, to know when to stop, just tell me when and say ok, I finally arrived? Or will it be like with food, and I will not have a limit?
I'll tell you, I still lose about fifteen Kg .. But finally, in my upper body gets a size 46. You know how long is that I do not see a price like that? ... to be honest I had never worn ... or maybe I was too small to be able to remember, or maybe I hated it too in those clothes "woman", which I preferred to delete ..
So, between paperwork and train travel between caffèecioccolata and sandwiches, the days go by .. and even kg.
The nice thing is that this time it was not planned, was not sought, I have not tried .. came all by myself .. and I hope continues.
I'm not sure he had really reached my balance ... There are hard days, and today was one of these ... But things are different, and as difficult as I prefer now.
For this 2007, I wish the same to you ... I wish you an evolution, which allows you to go exactly where you want, how you want, with whoever you want.
I love you,
a tight hug,
Marta
